Free Breakfast at Denny's

The line was very long. This was to be expected, naturally, because Denny's had advertised  that they were  giving away free "Grand Slams" from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. Emily and I arrived around 9:30. In forty-five minutes I learned a lot about people and free food. 

During our wait, I noticed a man standing next to me who had a face like a platypus. It was an honest observation, one that was not attached to any intentional unkindness. The length of his face was extra wide, his eyes and nose spread across it proportionately. Without thinking, a twinge of pity came into my heart. I also noticed a family in front of us. The husband was short and thin, the wife double his size and holding the baby. He was a bus driver and I soon discovered that he had a warm bubbly personality I was sure none of my bus driver's in junior high had.

The sun was beating down even though it is barely February and some complaining began. First about the sun and then about the injustice the Cardinals were served at the Super Bowl. A woman who worked at Denny's came out with a plate of "Pancake Puppies" and the line jittered with suspicion that they had run out of Grand Slams. These were surely to soften the blow when they told us they ran out of Grand Slams they said. I laughed to myself. 

No one had made us stand out here. It's free food people. Geez. Just be grateful. 

I was pleased with my logic and silently congratulated my own sensibility.

Then the platypus-looking man took a step. I knew that step. I knew exactly what is meant too. It was the kind that meant he intended to cut me in line. I was not perfectly standing in front of him  but I was not perfectly standing adjacent to him and now he thought he'd take advantage of where I was standing. But this was not my first time involved in line thievery. I stepped forward to regain position. So did he. This was an outright sign of hostility! He fully expected me to stay behind him . Stepping again, I placed myself where he could see me, and I him, and we both knew this was a battle.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw tan, leathery man with a beard down to his belly button riding on a bike. As he came closer he slowed his pace. The clear plastic backpack he wore revealed a banana peal, socks and a bowl. He was looking at the long line wrapped around Denny's. Some spark of awareness lit his eyes. A toothless smile showed through his white beard. 

"Holy S***!" he yelled excitedly and peddled faster to the end of the line. Everyone looked at each other and smiled. Even me and my platypus-looking rival shared a sheepish smile. Suddenly I felt funny. Perhaps a twinge of guilt now. Human nature had gotten the best of me. By then we were near the door, in a cluster and it was hard to distinguish who was in front of who. A man with a clipboard came out and began jotting down party sizes and names. I learned that the bus driver and the woman with the baby had come separately and were not married. When the man with the clipboard began taking down my rivals name, he quickly pointed to me and explained we were actually ahead of him. Guilt. Recognition.

I had seen everything wrong.

People and free food.